Thursday, August 13, 2009

A Little Something for Mama,

Well it's been 3 years now since I was able to kiss you. That last kiss and the feeling of your sweet powdered cheek is a burned memory in my mind. Through all of our talks at the table with coffee and cigarettes looking into your bright ocean blue eyes, it occurs to me now that I still have so much more say and so many questions to ask you. Your arms are forever reaching mom, and sometimes I can even smell your perfume. What would you say to us now if you could? Your children want and miss you. I know in those last days I was unable to sing to you the way you knew I could, my voice just wouldn't come out. But since you dipped your lovely toes into heaven things have changed. Is that you running interference from your new perch? I wonder. Our lives have all been so turbulent and all the pains are still healing. But you were right about forgiveness, it is the key to everything. You earned our forgiveness and more. One of last things you said to me was to forgive myself. I suppose I could interpret that in application to so many things even pertaining to you. How many nights did I cry for your children and my own. But you likely know this and so much more now. I wish I could see you. We were like girlfriends you said once. But it was much much more, we were the essence of broken women everywhere clinging to each other in hope. By design our ability to forgive laid a foundation for hope in a most unexpected way. We have you, mine have me. Now there is magic in the air mama, and I am even writing music again. Your birthday is tomorrow. As I feel fall approaching in my bones it used to bring us all so much joy to pickup the phone and discuss our recipes and plans of gathering. The truth is I feel the essence of you every single day. Your aura of celebration is best described as "companies coming". It's one thing to have flowers on the table, quite another to make them feel magnificent. Thank you for giving me that glorious gift because I have it too. You even found a way to give us our own bridge. I am keeping my promise to keep us together as you wished it and will continue. You are so loved, and we keep you close to us. With all this said, I wanted you to know about a very special song I wrote for us for you and for me, and for the children we have both cradled and cried over. Because I believe it was the truth in your deepest heart what you wanted for your children and what I hoped for as well for mine. I love you, your daughter Debbie


1 comment:

  1. Oh SchuggaJoy your Mamma heard your voice through your tears. The perfect voice of love and angels is contianed within a tear.
    Never doubt she is near you baby doll. Love lives on and on.
    namast'e Guru Padma