Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Feed Me ... part 4


“The little girl bent slowly to gather them. Careful to not let any of the tiny delicate pearls escape her. She lingered, looking at it thoughtfully. Then her little body shook with tears as she blew. Like fairy lights they glimmered in the air as her tiny will forced them off the pod, scattering her wish into the great universe. Wiping her eyes, she looked down at her dirty sock crunching down into her shoes. As she tried to adjust it, she peered behind. There they were her younger sisters and baby brother trailing behind. She waited for them to catch up. As she took her brothers hand she noticed his was nearly as big as her own which came to discussion the rest of the way home. Having no key to the apartment, the door was always unlocked until they got home. Upon opening, the air was cold and strange smelling, like old potatoes. It was dark and felt damp. She moved away some trash to clear a path for them to get to their bedroom. There was one trundle bed and a TV. They all gathered immediately around the TV she looked to scrounge something for them all to eat. They worked their way through a box of graham crackers, a box of Jell-O and some peanut butter. Then she attempted to get everyone cleaned up and washed faces with the wash cloth. This always led to fighting and everyone started crying again. Not really knowing how to calm her siblings down she forced them back to the TV, or played cuddle games and at last resort, she sang. In this dark and dismal place a sound of sweetness carried. Four melodic tiny voices sang themselves to sleep. As the little girl thought of her sweet sisters and baby brother she cried in her blanket so they couldn't’t hear her. Her tiny heart lurching in hope of her wish flower for their parents to come back and love them. That night she dreamed she fell asleep behind the cereal boxes in the grocery store.”

Closing the door quietly, so as not to disturb his mistress, the ancient one shuddered. He knew he shouldn't’t have gone so far so soon, but he could not help himself. This wondrous creature enchanted and delighted him and restored hope for his very existence. The beauty of her struck his core stirring a much forgotten desire. “Oh how little she does not yet know” he thought. Her very existence, her survival brought him back … feeding him … with her unquenchable need for him. He pondered longingly over her delicate strength, fusing himself to her very essence. “My little one who shouldered so much shall soon be unburdened except for me” He thought. Throughout time he waited for her as he waited for no other. He saw her at first conception and knew she would be his hope, an unspoiled precious one without an ounce of greed. It pained him greatly to know of her suffering. But only this could have brought him back to his divinity forever. Even though he already knew he just had to pull another memory from her that night, to watch it come off her lips. Her sweetness pulled at him. Lifetimes of his treasures wasted on vanity and unworthy prowess tormented and depleted him. But now here she was. It excited him just to think on it. He stood silently outside the door and could feel her steady breathing as he inhaled the beating of her heart. He wanted to go back in and envelop her. But her rest is crucial and he knew she would not rest and he can easily over stimulate her. He waited in aching as he had waited for so long. At last, at least she is here and he knew what he would do when she awoke.

He thought carefully as a rush of sensations came over him, then from deep within his pocket he drew a tiny withered seed … that once came flurried at him on a tiny wind from a wish flower ...

Passion itself has his own peril, but can also be fed from broken …

the blessing continues ...


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Feed Me part 3

Streaming tears … I upped from pillows in an aimless direction, wildly flinging my gown out of my way, so I could run … then stopped suddenly … in the blur washing over my eyes .. I was not in the place I thought I was. … Confusion took over the terror although I could still feel the treacherous pain coursing through to my bone. What was it, where had I gone? I stumbled a bit … Then there it was, the relief of the warm sensation coming back … walking from my bedroom I could still feel it working it’s miraculous way through me calming the piercing pain like a soothing elixir. The sweetness of the sensation was now becoming palatable as I allow it in welcoming.
He’s still here. Whatever had tangled me up in the night was a dream. Oh how real it seemed like so many others. But how should I dream so now, with a whisper so softly crooning in my ears as I fell off to sleep … only to be plummeted off into wretched sorrow …

“… walls replete with sadness crying all around me, lying in heaps at the bases, weeping women. But their tears were falling up the walls as if trying to send the ache up into heaven itself. They went on for miles these poor souls and the room seemed to go on forever. How beautiful they were as I watched them in pensive curiosity. Some in long billowing skirts others in old muslin. I could not see their faces for all of their lovely heads were covered and turned towards the walls. The sounds of their torment began to overwhelm and I began to scream and cry out … as I fell to my knees in shaking they started to turn towards me. My screaming stopped abruptly in gazing, wide eyed wonder at what I saw … all of the faces were my own, the eyes looking back at me were mine, looking at me imploringly to not succumb but to rescue me, or them or us. Beauty once cherished now discarded and held captive in grief. The sound of it rang loudly in my ears. Like a symphony gone horribly wrong screeching … I began to run to them and away from them even flinging myself to the floor in an attempt of escape. As I did so the pain only intensified and I thought we would all be ripped to shreds from it … “

No wonder I jumped awake, anyone would with a dream resembling a John Malkovich moment! Quivering … I walk back to my bedroom to take notes, clearly these dreams are the ravings of a mad woman. Or they are trying to tell me something. I certainly have no intention of going back through my own portal for discovery. Aghast at how these horrors find their disruptive way into my sanctuary. Pangs of hunger rumbled, but I had no desire for actual food, when another wave of pleasure washed over me. The warm wonderful glow of knowing he is there is satiating. In preparing for the day I begin to ponder; dreams, secret things our minds feel in fears not acknowledged. Or it could be a safe way to reveal unhealed wounds with some passivity. The tiny child within me recalled yet another dream that lived in real time which required passivity on some level to survive the trauma. A pang welled up in my throat. The sound of weary women weeping everywhere haunts me as I force myself into the moment. I can feel the essence of my ancient master calling me into this new day. Eagerly, my heart is open in immediate anticipation. So many blame my poor dear for their inability to contain themselves when he is around … not his fault for he always tells the truth. His mighty secret will soon burst from me and heal them all in my telling of it. As the warmth of the current tenderness inspires me, my dream is set aside but not forgotten. Feeling refreshed and excited, I allow the crooning energy to call me out. I can feel you passionate stranger. Oh how delicious is your recipe. Almost a distinct impression that someone was going to make me dinner. Knowing full well there are others who are hungry too waiting for me to share. My abundant cup overflows to sustaining in the care of this glorious company, with no sign of foreboding dream as we sit down to dine, I am supplicated … leaning in to dare a glance across the table … my eyes are finally met … And to the sound of his voice … Passion burns a hole ... right through my veins … feeding me more from broken ….

to be con't

Friday, September 11, 2009

Feed Me .. continued

Curled up on the lap of Passion … would seem by it’s implication to be a contented place. But in fact it is quite the opposite. Having crooned me unto the lap of him, I realized my state and began to reel in laughter in the face of irony itself as well as to my house guest. “Come, you now, oh wicked one? For I was bent with repose on my steady need of NOT needing you, a discovery which was long overdue! You know this! You were there and then disappeared taking everything I so adored about you, with you. So now you come to shake me awake as if I had been sleeping. Which I was, but I had made a decision for sleep. I was pretty much the sleeping beauty of humanity, lying in wait for the desired ever lasting slumber. Sleeping has its perks you know. For one, you want for nothing BUT sleep. And in sleeping, one needs less. Which goes a very long way to having “green planet” if you know what I mean. For another it is calm. It is uneventful. Zero drama, which is highly underrated by the way. But you would know nothing of this. Isn’t this right you willful creature? So now I’m awake and compelled into longing, for longing itself. With an unquenchable need to create and to love with complete, unabashed abandon. Simply because you exist! You are enchanting me ... so enchanted I am. Perhaps, being what you are, knew this thing about me. Even knowing what glorious music will come of it among other things. You also knew full well, how I would respond to you, like a pied piper bringing others with me into your intended adventure. As it happens, my ancient friend I have. I am lit from within. Here I am on your alter of turbulent fire which is sure to consume me and I don’t care. I celebrate your mastery of human desire. For you knew I was sick, like so many others hungry and aching while sleeping, for this exact knowing ness by which you have graced my doorstep. It is the complete ecstasy of absolute passion for your sake alone. Because desire get’s exactly what it wants always. The poor human heart cannot help its desires ever. It is the trick of treat you start out with isn’t it? Even weary wounded sick, stupid dumb broken me, still could not help the desire of my own heart. How exclusively wonderful you are. Oh how you know me so well. I just want to ... ” In response to my rant I was stopped in mid sentence by the most passionate kiss I had ever tasted ... and decided to make us both dinner. …to be continued ... unsteady as she goes ... djs

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Feed Me

Feed me from broken, you ancient fire … which tapped on the shoulder of my soul and shook me from slumber … the place it has touched is seared and swollen and has taken me unaware … consumed I stand now breathing nothing but desire … to what do I owe this great honor to be so visited. Angels with wings with much better deeds have less. Yet compelled, devour I ... hungrily every golden glimmer of this awakening honeyed light. Slowly traveling, these droplets by design, bleed into my quivering bones. The course they use ... appears to create rivers as they fill me and I am taken.
My captor seems to take great amusement in watching me writhe in the pain and pleasure. Whose source I cannot see clearly for my eyes, turned within ... in watching wonder. Wounds once scarred over, are now openly gaping and throb. For this nectar has opened me up. Moaning escapes my lips and surprises me. Paralyzed I try to reach for a limb, for some sense of myself and feel no hands. I am suddenly not my body and am becoming my captor’s glorious essence and fall in abandon. On the floor of this mighty kingdom I lay in complete surrender. Rushing in pulsing surges as this surgical master feels me naked, I wait in aching need. Fevers shiver as I am eagerly fed more by this ancient one. I can feel the tender hands upon me into every secret place. My body rises in urgency of its own accord. Longingly supping like a newborn in this swaddled place, a rapture of joy bursts through my skin. The power of this skillful attention to me forces my eyes up and I am plunged into the brightest blue. The gaze washes over me, as the tears purge me, into further depths … I am bathed in light and begin to dance as I am lifted above the earth high and reaching, casting colors in prisms as it coos and woos me … and in my ears a familiar voice in laughter says “see, I’m not finished with you yet."

And so I write; “Oh you elusive character. Where the hell have you been? Look, I know I didn’t come to the door when you knocked those last few times, but you had your own key. How you love the excitement of the chase. You are in fact the very encasement of a tease. But how you croon and I have missed you. It’s about time you showed up, I was beginning to wonder where you had gotten to. Planning on staying a while? I see you brought a suitcase. “Then I proceeded to curl up on the lap of Passion … the ancient universal fire, my new roommate as well as what’s for dinner … to be continued ~ djs